Someone give that kid a god damn medal.
This is Riley. He rules.
Everyone who moved and didn’t catch him: you suck.
^^^^ I hate when people move.
This is the break in the bend,
This is the closest of calls.
Are you serious right now? I’m a fully certified neurosurgeon. I can break into people’s heads and rewire their brains and tamper with their memory, no problem. But this? This juice box? This sugary drink marketed for eight year olds? No. Sticking a straw into this juice container is apparently just too much for me to handle without fucking it up. I’m done. I quit. Goodbye.